Sacred Marriage: Holiness Part Two
- Jerry Witham
- Jun 16, 2009
- Series: Sacred
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An important part of marriage is laying aside falsehood and speaking truth. Paul longed for this for the church in Ephesus as we see in Ephesians 4.25-32. Since the Ephesians knew the truth of God and had their heart and life changed, now Paul called them to live a holy life. It is true that holy thinking produces holy living. Proverbs 23.7 says, For as a man thinks within himself, so he is.
According to Paul fruit of holy living includes continually doing away with lying and instead speaking what is true, being honest and transparent (Ephesians 4.25). This is so important to marriage. We must be naked and unashamed before each other (Genesis 2.25). Paul addresses this to the church, that those in Christ are brothers and sisters. That means two married Christians are brothers and sisters in Christ. They are members of one another.
Paul then addresses a real emotion that we all will have at times. He says, Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity (Ephesians 4.26-27). There are times when our anger is just and right. We will be provoked to anger yet we will not violate God’s law, nor miss the mark of His righteous standard and we deal with it by not letting it grow to bitterness, wrath or exasperation (where we literally take the life out of another). Paul says, Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice (Ephesians 4.31). The day of anger should be the day of reconciliation. If we let the anger grow into irritation, harmful words, and inconsiderate actions we have let the devil be lord and master giving him a place and opportunity in our marriage. You literally invite him into your relationship and into your home. Remember the enemy’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10.10). I plead the blood of Christ over our marriages that the enemy would not have an inch.
Paul then says, He who steals must steal no longer (Ephesians 4.28). Let’s apply this to marriage. Too many end up stealing from their spouses, whether it is time, affection, and energy pouring it into other things or people. But rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need (Ephesians 4.28). In marriage we are called to give exhaustive effort in serving our spouse. We should literally try to out serve them as we meet their needs for their joy. Both husbands and wives have needs and we are to be all in, giving all of ourselves to the other meeting those needs.
Paul then directs our attention to what comes out of our mouth. He says, Let no unwholesome (rotten) word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4.29). In marriage we are called to have grace-filled words and actions. It is one thing to do the right thing it is an entirely different thing to do it by the right spirit. Our motives and character are surely being tested in marriage and many times it is seen in what is said or how something is said. Our words should never tear down, but always build up being mindful of the need of each moment and giving grace through what and how we say something. This is what you are to give to your spouse daily through your words and actions – GRACE. Personally, I have to be real careful with my tone. My tone needs to be more kind and tender. Paul says, Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you (Ephesians 4.32). This is even when one of the spouses sins against the other. Paul says, Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such ones in a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6.1).
When we do not take heed to what Paul has said here we grieve the Holy Spirit. Paul says, Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption (Ephesians 4.30). The Holy Spirit lives in those who have repented and trusted in Jesus. Too many times we forget this. We would be much more selective about what we think, say or do if we would not ignore the Spirit of God and His presence. Temptations will come even to those who are sealed by the Spirit this is for sure. So Paul commands us to be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5.18). We need the Holy Spirit in our marriages. I pray that we would be filled and intoxicated with the Holy Spirit. We need Holy Spirit help and guidance! We need His regenerating and renewing power! We need the Holy Spirit for our sanctification, to be more like Christ. So, instead of giving the enemy an inch, give the Holy Spirit free reign.
So let us embrace the great goal of marriage to be made holy, to be more like Jesus, for God’s glory and our joy! As Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III have said, Our marriages are the testing ground for God to win us to Himself. Our marriages are basic training for the one Marriage that will not disappoint. One day God will join together His Son Jesus and those who have trusted in Him. We will live together forever in a glorious union with Him.
