The Holidays: Relationships and Anger
Relationships are tough, but we were created for them, so we can’t run from them. People were given to us, yes even family, to help us be what God created us to be. This is where impatience flares up, anger brews, and conflict rises. It is with people that we learn and put to practice what is right. It is not easy though, especially around the holidays it seems.
So, what is the answer to tough relationships and when we get angry? Jesus. I have to just be gut honest with you. I have tried many other things even the dangerous and destructive hobbies. They don’t work. In college I tried to drink that anger away. It didn’t work. I tried to deal with it while growing up by sweeping it under the rug. It didn’t work. But Christ has. With His help I can deal with my anger in the past and present as well.
I have learned when tempted to get angry or when tempted to let my anger brew and stew to remember what Christ did for me on the cross. He took all my sin and paid the penalty/punishment for it. Because of that God freely forgave me when I trusted in Christ as my Savior. My offenses toward God were/are huge and many, but yet He forgave and forgives me of all of them. That makes me think about the offenses of others against me. They are small compared to my offenses against God, so why would I not forgive them? He forgave me, so why would I instead get angry and let anger rule and reign in my life? This is what Christ has taught me.
Do I still get angry? Yes.
Anger is not always bad in itself. In fact, the Bible says, Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 5.26). There is good anger and bad anger. There is anger that leads us to make wrong choices and anger that does not. Some anger is clearly wrong, but not all. Another part of the Bible says, Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God (James 1.19-20). So, there seems to be an anger that is right and one that is wrong. When we get angry at things that anger God, like injustice or things that dishonor Him it seems right. But when we get angry at someone without good grounds it seems wrong.
I think the big question is, what do we do when we get angry? Do we insult others? Do we let our anger turn to rage? Do we hold grudges? Are we not willing to forgive? Do we let are anger toward someone change the relationship to where it is broken? Has our anger turned to bitterness? This is when anger is not right.
So what do we do? We must not let our anger get to these points. We must ask God to help us, whether it is a willingness to forgive the other person or for us to give a problem over to Him and help us not to fix on it, but to move forward trusting Christ.
The biggest thing we can do is not let the sun go down on our anger. If we are angry at someone then we need to be willing to communicate with them. Tell them how you feel without getting in fits of rage. Be honest. If they have hurt you share with them how. The point of this is not to put blame on them, but to share with them how you feel in response to what they did or said. If you don’t deal with it promptly then that anger runs rampant like a forest fire. Bitterness and anger upon anger will set in. So, we must be willing to be honest and tell people how we feel. Next, we must be willing to forgive others. This is so huge. If we have hurt someone we need to ask for their forgiveness. This is so huge.
One thing I have found is that anger can steal your joy. My reason for sharing what I have is that I want you to be joyful. I want you to be free from anger and its effects. Ask the Lord to help you. He will. Trust Him. May joy fill your holiday and not anger at others. Remember, they are sinners too.
